Alles Gute zum Geburtstag.

jonas turned 25 and some lovelies supported him in the difficult act of breathing another day.

 happy birthday!

lovely little lady.

asha is one of the kindest people i know, and she is a wonderful dancer. she had a recital last weekend that I could not attend because jonas arrived but i love her and i think she is amazing. we will definitely be there next time. she is so beautiful!

cincinnati.

this is very exciting. my husband came to the united states just for me last friday. it was a wonderful reunion, we had the best weekend ever. we ate lots of yummy food, stayed in an amazing hotel with a river view and i showed jonas all of my favorite places around cincinnati--i love this city.

welcome to america babe. 

marriot breakfast buffet. mm.

his first ale-8

my favorite cemetery. 

we are so glad to be back together!

perspective is necessary.

for far too long now, i have been trying to twist and contort to fit into this world and find where it is that i am supposed to be. and now that i am back in america i know that i was naive to think that this would all come easy.

living in germany-that was a long hard time. i feel like i've lost so much opportunity. and for a long time, i was feeling like a huge failure, i was feeling very old and unattractive. yes, i have a great husband who was much more patient and understanding than he ever had to be. for that, i am so thankful. but i would rather that story remain untold-at least for everyone else. i guess it will always be in one of those books i have filled with words and more words. the thing that is important- i have really come back from all of that. i am finished bending my head down and hiding behind my hair.

and i know that i have so much to offer. and it is so hard to watch everyone with all of the things that they have figured out. because i know that i am so close to that too. i can taste it. i feel like i have so many choices and they are all floating on the surface but somehow they are pulled away from me right when i stretch my arm to grab. there are just so many people that i want to be. i want all of it. there are things that discourage me, like the fact that the education system is an awfully large sham. but i am not going to waste my time looking at closed doors.

i just want to feel and listen and breathe in the summer air that is filled with magic and freshly mowed grass. and i will because any other way sounds like the worst. and i want all of those mighty fears that are always hovering around my head to vanish because they have never helped anyone get anywhere.

i am so glad that there are people&books that i can go to for advice and for some assurance. i am even grateful for the worst of times, that really were as bad as they seemed. and for all of the other arduous battles that will lead me and my family to our proper places.





 

kentucky derby. 137.

derby day is huge around here. obviously, this is the horse capital of the world. i am not really into the races, but i love the festivities. i used to have a derby party every year as a kid with my sister and her sisters. those were the best times. and sometimes i go to frankfort, ky for the governor's breakfast. but this year, we just had a cake and my niece made an amazing lego version of derby day.

and heaven will smell like the airport.

my husband will be here soon...

                                                  ..any day now. that's just beautiful.