my first year.

november 8 marks the day i started my funeral director/ embalmer apprenticeship- one year ago. i could have been licensed next month but there are these lame rules. so it will have to wait until march. i sent an embarrassing photo out with my resume last year searching for my golden opportunity. jonas convinced me to do it because it is required in germany, i found out way too late that it is seen as a little naive here in these united states. however, i also find it fitting because i was quite naive(and i am so sure that i still am, but maybe a little less so).

i am grateful for the chance i was given and i know it was meant to happen this way- even if it was hard at times.

& even though i graduated with a bachelor degree in mortuary science and lived in a funeral home during school, it was like none of that happened when i got to the "real" world. in hindsight, i should have taken advantage of my opportunity living in a funeral home years ago, but i was focused on school- silly me. really, it was a great opportunity.

so here i am. i have learned who i respect, what i respect and why i respect the things i do. i have learned that there is nothing special about me yet..but it will come with time and experience. i have learned what i want from my job and that it is hardly about money. i have learned that i am not a "natural" at funeral directing or embalming. it is actually very difficult for me, but i will get there because i love both aspects. i have gained a little bit of confidence, but i need a truckload more. i have met some fine people. i discovered that the busier i am- the happier i am. i have a much clearer image of what it takes to be in this business so i am better prepared for the future. like every funeral director, i am finding the way that i like to do things and the way that i like to treat people. i do not pass out around difficult cases in the preparation room anymore- that is serious for me! my hands are a little less shaky and my goals are clear in my mind...

maybe i do not work at the busiest funeral home but this quote sums that situation up for me:
 "Do not allow yourselves to be made to feel inadequate or frustrated because you cannot do everything others seem to be accomplishing. Only you and your Father in Heaven know your needs, strengths, and desires. Around this knowledge your personal course must be charted and your choices made."― Marvin. J. Ashton

& my Father in Heaven loves me. he has given me a wonderfully difficult year. i will never be the same & i am so glad for that.