my first mother's day (as z's mama).

I do not want to talk about another's personal struggle.. but I will say a few words because I had an important experience. I ended up meeting with a mother who lost her daughter... I met with her on Mother's Day morning. Her daughter is ten years old. She was just on her way to pick up a pizza with her Dad & some idiots were speeding and hit their car. I was with this mother as she saw her sweet daughter. They should have been celebrating Mother's Day this instead.. with the breakfast in bed, the flowers and the cards. It isn't right. It isn't fair. It makes me feel like an idiot for all the things I have been complaining about (shut up, self!). It makes me feel guilty for having my baby. It makes me think of all the pain and suffering in this world and cry and cry. It makes me question our prayers and randomness and it makes me angry. Nothing can be done...nothing except to weep with the family and do my job.. and cherish every moment I have with my family while I can...Jonas and I talked and cried over this all day, but still moved forward with our plans. Jonas made dinner..delicious fish tacos and got me flowers, a card and my favorite cookies. All I really wanted was to go outside and walk around with my family. We went to the Big Four Bridge and so many people wished me a Happy Mother's Day. The bubble lady was there too, she is great. Zara loves to watch people and to be carried around and to be on my shoulders while she chews my hair and drools all over it(it is already terrible post baby, so why not?) I was so excited for my first mother's day with Zara and then I was just so grateful that I got to have another day with her at all.