maternity leave.

Both of my maternity leaves were some kind of mental reset. They are marks of time in my life that changed everything. This one was difficult and lovely and quite different from my time with Zara.  Surely I had experience to help with caring for a newborn but nothing in my toolkit to handle two children (besides meal delivery and lots of organization)! We made it through but not without some tears..from everyone in our family. & I had a contrast of emotion every single day. Peace & dread. Calm & anxiety. Joy & annoyance. A roller coaster. I tried to take Zara out to do something each day- the park, lunch, appointments, stopping by work, visiting family, making crafts, Target, the library, swim lessons, the zoo, chick-fil-a, the trampoline park, Trader Joe's. It was exhausting to juggle Zara with making milk and healing. It was hard but it was so special and I wish I could do it all over again. and again. I imagine what it will feel like to be older or dying and remember this time with them, I cannot imagine how badly I will want to come back to these moments and these sweet children.

I'll try to remember the slowness and sacredness. & the hot weather that lasted well into October. A weird everlasting summer. It was a great two months.

 I will never forget the pain of going to the last appointment with my doctor- it meant that it was all over: my pregnancy and birth and the follow-up appointments. I am sure a third child would be too much for me so this is the end of that chapter. Another painful moment: walking out of Zara's last swim lesson because it meant I would be going back to work in a few days.

There are things I am excited to have- like a routine- but it hurts so much for this time to be over! These kids of mine just remind me that it all happens way too fast.

* The last two photos are from the day we went to work/ daycare & school. I had so much stuff packed! Zara was really happy and had a very easy transition :)

I am thankful for the trustworthy & wonderful people who take care of my girls !