milk for one year.

I know that many women breastfeed much longer than a year & that is so great, but one year was more than enough for me! I was mostly a pumping Mama. Not ideal, but it was the plan we had. This whole thing was a constant stressor and it was so exhausting to worry about and I was so tired this past year. When I look back at it, I can't believe all that has happened & that we made it! We had some adventures with this, such as:::
-Pain. In the beginning there was SO MUCH PAIN and tears and fear of the pain.
-Blood in milk (more than enough info. sorry.)
-Blebs.
-Clogged ducts.
-When we flew to Germany, Z was 6 months old. I had such a great schedule going with nursing and pumping. It was ruined entirely. I nursed her on demand and when we came back to the states and I went back to work, I never ever got my supply back up to where it was. Also on that trip- an entire 5 oz. that went bad! wah.
-Stress, stress, stress! I was constantly thinking of how much milk I had in the freezer, in the fridge, how much milk she was drinking everyday, how much she needed for daycare. Oh, it goes on and on.
-A few breakdowns...more than a few breakdowns.
-Pumping in the cold bathroom at work. blah. & finding time to do it between funerals and arrangements.
- Preparing bottles with labels, cleaning them. etc.
-The worst thing ever- spilled breast milk!

Breastfeeding took a lot of energy and made me SO hungry. I didn't even lose all of my baby weight like everyone claims will happen. Sometimes I even doubted my choice and wondered if the stress actually took something away from my time spent with my family. I cannot express how incredibly taxing and exhausting this was with work. I truly can't believe I kept my eyes open everyday. It makes me a little emotional to think back at all the moments I wanted to quit everything...and did not.

BUT I saved thousands of dollars. I bonded with my baby and had the sweetest moments with her. I had something that was very important to me- tangible verification that I was being a good parent.

My life is about to get so much easier! I read a lot about breastfeeding and was constantly looking something up about it (I swear I could not survive parenthood outside of the internet age). When I finally researched an article about ending pumping, it felt so real. It sounded so good. It was the end of the race and I had come such a long way. It was hard. I guess I can do hard things sometimes.

I am so grateful that I could do this for Zara. I love her so much. This has meant a lot to me. Overall, I am so glad that I did it!

*I should also thank Jonas. He brought glasses of water to me constantly. He cleaned bottles and pump pieces. He brought the pump to me when I needed it. Support was awesome to have.