the longest shortest year.

Eleanor is getting close to her first birthday.

One year.

WOW.

It has been one tough year since Eleanor was born.

We have been through so much in this one little year.

It has been a year full of change and turmoil for the whole world. 

My family has been trying to survive my postpartum depression & severe anxiety. I was diagnosed with both but I feel myself getting better & the severity of these mental illnesses lessens with time. Even though this has been difficult, I am thankful for the perspective my two postpartum experiences have given me. I have learned that there is so much you cannot control in your mind, even though you try so hard. Long story short, it felt like everything was a big deal and like I was in a tiny box with no way out. I have barely kept my sanity but have tried to hold on. Postpartum stuff is not a joke, Jim.

I have had a hard time adjusting to two kiddos & not being able to do all of the things I normally do. My postpartum body is still healing & finding strength. I miss so much about how it used to be too.

The Covid-19 pandemic has been a lot. We will never be the same. 

My job has been so tough the past several months. There have been major changes and I have sat across from families experiencing indescribable grief. Unfortunately, this has included some people that I love. It has also included the pain of the pandemic restrictions. I hope I never have to deny a grieving person their community again (by only allowing 10 people).

My first year with two baby girls has been rocky but it is not lost on me that I am very fortunate. My family is healthy & we are here to see another day. I have another sweet baby! We get to come home and be with her. She has added more love and light to our family. She is supposed to be right here with us. I am so thankful that I get to be her mom & that I get to be in the presence of my daughters every day. I will keep trying for my Ellie & my Zara.